July pondering.
i think people should be creating more and spilling their guts more. or in their work, at least. how else would we get to see each other as we really are?
what makes you human? what makes you want to crawl out of your skin? what makes you melt into a puddle on the floor? what makes you want to go stand in the sunlight? what are you doing to fulfill your soul? what are you depriving yourself of? what makes you think you deserve that? when was the last time you spoke with a stranger? i want to know. do you know?
this past weekend i participated in a contemporary dance workshop and got to move till i couldn’t anymore. the weekend culminated in a performance hosting artists from all over the country. as i was watching the curated performance of choreography created from the experiences of people from all different background and lives, i couldn’t stop thinking to myself that THIS is what movement is supposed to be. there are no limits placed on what someone can create because it comes from a place only they will ever know. each artist showed up fully as themselves. they were not catering to anyone else’s artistic direction. i want to see more of that.
i was especially moved by a piece performed in complete silence. there was no accompaniment to soften the jarring reality that was being presented to us. you only had the option of digesting the raw disturbing truth in front of you. it was an extremely intimate performance to witness and i felt as though i had watched the artists exchange spirits with one another, if that’s even possible.
this month i visited my grandpa for the first time in a few months. he told stories from his youth, from his mid twenties, and from when my mom was a kid. i can’t remember the last time i laughed like that with him. i made sure to treasure the moment before it was even over. my grandpa is famously a MASSIVE admirer of music. namely, the beatles (together and as individuals), bob dylan, billy joel, the beach boys, and so many other artists and bands. while visiting, i finally decided to go searching through his dozens and dozens of vinyl records that he has so carefully preserved through the years. i flipped through probably over a hundred records before he came in and told me i could pick one to keep… as long as i swore to maintain it in the highest condition. it was the hardest decision, but i eventually decided to take home an original of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. so… a holy grail. thank you Paca O.
for once, i’m not mad with how this month went. I think i actually had several revelations. this month i realized that i have spent the past year living day by day, in a place where i have very few (one) local friendships, and yet somehow i made it through a year. completely, entirely by myself. i have SO much respect for myself!!!!!!! i’m so used to being alone and being fully independent now. and although I’m starting to feel like i’ve missed out on a lot of things i want to be experiencing, i’m afraid that if i am given opportunities to make new relationships and connections, it might be too difficult for me to share a part of myself with someone again. right now i feel like i don’t need anyone else to rely on, or the time for that has passed. …but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
i’m in a better place now, a much better place. i don’t feel as haunted or plagued by past experiences. the summer is almost over, and i’m leaving that weight where it is. i have put myself out there a LOT this month. i took ballet class on pointe for the first time in over a year. i came face to face with the man who verbally abused me and got the treat of literally closing the door behind him- TALK ABOUT CLOSURE. i auditioned for a couple of projects. i got a callback. i had a job interview. i took class from four different choreographers, i met new people, i pushed myself. i danced alone in my room. i consumed what moved me.
Media i consumed in july.
watched lost in translation for the third time. 10/10. perfect. love it.
reality awaits by the strokes. 4/10
almost didn’t include this. julian… put the autotune down please.
gonna see how (IF) this grows on me.
mac demarco performing human nature @rome summer fest.
cried big tears over this one… don’t have much else to say.
glee. so far i rate it a 7/10. sue sylvester may be one of the most well written characters in television history.
michael jackson’s autobiography, Moonwalk. gave incredible insight into his process as an artist and the production side of the industry.
after, it was warm by akira uchida. GENUINELY THE MOST INCREDIBLE PERFORMANCE I HAVE SEEN IN A WHILE. my mind is still blown. LUXURIOUS + FLUID + CONTROLLED + MORE THAN PLEASANT TO WITNESS.
emily by rue jacobs. i discovered rue jacobs a few months ago on instagram and have been listening to his work since. this album pays homage to traditional bossa nova and jazz sounds while challenging them with the contrast of synth and ambient noise. emily captures moments of weightless joy + utter melancholy.
hang in there,
the girl with the unibrow
